Parents and Friends

Please pardon my brief absence from these pages, and thanks to those who were kind enough to remind me of said absence by email (Randy ;)). My excuse is not so much busyness in my studies, though I cannot say I haven't been busy, as it is that my parents (known affectionately here as MMK and Jackie) were in town this weekend for a visit. If you will further pardon a bit of self indulgence, I'd like to relay the wonderful weekend we enjoyed together.

Lots of sight seeing (they saw Marquette's campus and Julie's hospital) in beautiful rainy Milwaukee. They also experienced winter a bit earlier than even they are used to in Iowa. My mother made the interesting comment one chilly night that she wouldn't think there would be many homeless people in Milwaukee in the winter. "Wouldn't you think," she pondered, "that they would make there way to some place warmer . . . like Kansas?" A good obervation Mom, though Kansas might not be the optium locale either, what with the wind storms and Kansas State sports. We also shared a lovely dinner at a fancy seafood restaraunt right on the river. (I promise Dad, we did not know the ridiculous prices before choosing the place.) I relate these anecdotes to share what occurred to me more than ever before this weekend, namely that one's relationship with one's parents changes over time.

When you are a baby, you depend on your parents for everything. Without their constant care, the fact is that you would die of any number of things, including starvation for food or love. When you get a little older, you depend on them less, but though you don't always like to admit it, the truth remains that without them, you would still be in trouble to care for yourself. Many children start distancing themselves in high school, spending less and less time at home and more and more time with friends. This prepares you for college when you truly are on your own, for the first time. But let's be honest, how many college kids can make it through those first few years without frequent visits and phone calls, advances on money, and the occassional load of laundry brought home? The truth is that it is not until you have graduated and are out in the real world that you can say you no longer fully depend on your parents.

I believe I am truly fortunate that I have two parents whom I never wanted to rebel against, with whom I didn't mind spending weekends in high school (though an occassional date would have been nice), and whom I loved to have visit me in college. My dad used to stop by my house every Wednesday and take me to Fazolis. He's the first one I told about my calling to ministry. My mom used to take me out to coffee every Thursday, where we would talk long and hard about how I had no clue what I wanted to do. After I graduated, I worked as a youth pastor at my local church and lived at home for six months. Though I feigned that it was "to save money," the truth is that I enjoyed it (and the occassional date would have still been nice).

It wasn't until I lit off for Kentucky that I felt that I was truly on my own. Not that they did not continue to support me with many phone calls, visits, money and prayers, but the fact was that I could no longer see them on a regular basis - and that was very hard. What I noticed then when I would go home for breaks, and what I realize now more than ever, is that the nature of our relationship had changed. But this was not a bad thing.

Instead of being the kid who slept in and who was taken care of all the time, I now interact with them as adults. This weekend, as always, we had the best conversations about life, theology, family, old friends, etc. My parents told me old stories about their lives that they never would have told me as a child. I notice my parents now looking to me for advice. I notice my parents allowing me to pay for dinner (occassionally). I notice my parents being our guests in our home (my dad even slept in). And it makes me proud that for all they have done for me, I can do small things for them.

It is true that it is hard to grow up (or as my dad once said: "It's old to get hard!"). You miss being a kid, having no responsibilities and having no worries, knowing that no matter what, your parents will be there to bail you out (in some cases literally). But it is so rewarding to experience an adult relationship with the people who raised you. To call them, not just your dad and mom, but your friends. My parents are my best friends, and I have truly enjoyed every stage of life we've been through together. I might even say that the current stage is the best - and maybe they all continue to get better.

But it remains true that, even with the changed relationship and the increased responsibilities, I know my parents will always be there to take care of me, and, if necessary, to bail me out. The only difference is that now I can be the same for them (and judging from some of their old stories, I might be called upon to do just that). And I would be more than willing to because, after all, they are my parents. And they are my friends.

Dad, next time the crab's on me!